Abraham Lincoln and Mary Todd Get Married

Abraham and Mary Todd LincolnAbraham Lincoln married Mary Todd on November 4, 1842. It came as a surprise to many, possibly even Lincoln himself.

The fourth of seven children, Mary Todd was born in Lexington, Kentucky, to a wealthy slave-holding family. Her mother died when she was only 6 years old. Within two years her father, Robert Smith Todd, remarried and had another nine children with his new wife. Mary Todd and her siblings all had difficult relationships with their stepmother, who essentially ignored them while favoring her own growing brood. Despite these difficulties, Mary grew up in comfort and privilege. The celebrated statesman Henry Clay owned a plantation called Ashland down the road from the Todd household. When she was 13, Mary rode her new pony to Ashland, and Clay, the perennial presidential candidate, noted to his guests, “If I am ever President I shall expect Mary Todd to be one of my first guests.” The precocious Mary said she would enjoy living in the White House.

Robert Todd was rather progressive for a nineteenth-century southern slave owner, and he encouraged his daughters as well as sons to get an education. In part because her stepmother wanted her out of the way, 14-year-old Mary was sent to live at Madame Mantelle’s finishing school for young ladies. There she received a classical education that concentrated on French and literature. She became fluent in French and also studied dance, drama, music, and, of course, the social graces needed to attract a suitable husband. Unlike most women of the time, she also took a keen interest in politics, becoming both knowledgeable and ambitious—and Whiggish. But like all women, politically she had to live vicariously through her husband.

In the fall of 1839 Mary moved from Kentucky to Springfield to live with her older sister Elizabeth, who had married Ninian W. Edwards, son of the former Governor of Illinois. The Edwards home was the center of Springfield’s social scene, and given that the city had far more single men than eligible women, their home was the place to shop for a well-heeled husband. Mary was in her element. Her advanced education gave her the advantage of choosing which of her many suitors she might spend time with, among them Stephen A. Douglas and Abraham Lincoln.

Joshua Speed invited Lincoln to one of the Edwards soirées. Although Lincoln’s six-foot-four-inch lankiness towered over Mary’s five-foot-two-inch roundness, the two began courting over the winter of 1839–40. The courtship was somewhat one-sided. Lincoln remained a rough, uncouth, awkward man who alternated between sitting quietly and blurting out inappropriate faux pas. He was charmed by Mary’s knowledge and wit, often staring at her in apparent awe as she led the conversation. Still, she saw something in him and their unlikely courtship blossomed, with Mary doing most of the courting.

Initially supportive, Mary’s family (in particular, her sister Elizabeth) came to oppose the mismatch, feeling Mary could do much better. Lincoln was deeply hurt by this opposition, but the two continued to see each other and eventually became engaged.

A Hiatus

And then they stopped. Somewhere between late 1840 and early 1841 they abruptly called off the engagement. Many believed that Lincoln backed out, fearing he could not suitably meet any wife’s needs as a husband because of his distracted nature. Earlier he had told the wife of his circuit-lawyer colleague Orville Browning that he had “come to the conclusion never again to think of marrying” because he can never be satisfied with any one who would be block-head enough to have me.” Lincoln also may have been distraught that his intimate friend Joshua Speed was leaving Springfield to move back to Kentucky. Whatever the reason, Lincoln and Mary were no longer courting throughout 1841 and into 1842.

One More Try

Sometime in 1842 Mary and Lincoln began secretly courting again. Despite Elizabeth’s opposition, the two often met at the Edwards house and sat on the low couch for hours, talking about life and love. Likely they also discussed politics, as by this time Lincoln was actively involved in Whig party activities and Mary was as ambitious as he, perhaps even more so. Their romance bloomed again, enough that Mary flirtatiously and anonymously wrote a letter backing up Lincoln’s own anonymous letter to the local paper mocking James Shields, a political rival. Shields, feeling his honor had been attacked, challenged Lincoln to a duel. Lincoln tried to back out of it, but when Shields insisted, the tall and muscular Lincoln offered up heavy broadswords as weapon of choice. Faced with a severe disadvantage, the short-armed Shields allowed himself to be talked out of the fight.

To the astonishment of the Springfield social set, Lincoln and Mary suddenly decided they would get married—that night. Elizabeth Edwards claimed the wedding occurred with only two hours’ notice, and indeed the marriage license was issued that very day. Lincoln had a “deer in the highlights” look as he approached the hurried ceremony in the Edwards parlor. According to friends, when Lincoln was dressing for ceremony he was asked where he was going, to which he replied, “I guess I’m going to hell.” At least one Lincoln scholar believes Mary may have seduced Lincoln the night before into doing something that obligated him to marriage. Whatever the reason, they were married on November 4, 1842. A week later he seemed resigned to the fact, closing a business letter with, “Nothing new here except my marrying, which to me, is matter of profound wonder.”

[Adapted from Lincoln: The Man Who Saved America]

David J. Kent is an avid science traveler and the author of Lincoln: The Man Who Saved America, in Barnes and Noble stores now. His previous books include Tesla: The Wizard of Electricity and Edison: The Inventor of the Modern World and two specialty e-books: Nikola Tesla: Renewable Energy Ahead of Its Time and Abraham Lincoln and Nikola Tesla: Connected by Fate.

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Today is the Wedding Anniversary of Abraham and Mary Todd Lincoln

Abraham and Mary Todd LincolnOn November 4, 1842, Abraham Lincoln rushed around to his friends and invited them to his one-day’s notice wedding to Mary Todd. The sudden marriage came as a shock to their family and friends, many of whom weren’t aware the couple had resumed their courtship almost two years after the ignominious “fatal first” that ended their prior engagement.

Even Lincoln seemed a bit shell shocked when a week later he wrote to a friend. Mostly a dry letter dealing with legal issues, Lincoln’s last line was “Nothing new here, except my marrying, which to me, is a matter of profound wonder.” Some have argued that Mary seduced him into premarital sex, thus forcing Lincoln into a quick marriage. Friends reported that he went to the altar muttering he was going to hell. In any case, their first son Robert was born on August 1, 1843, a mere 8 months, 3 weeks, and 4 days after the wedding.

As I’ve noted in a prior post, though an odd couple in a ofttimes tempestuous marriage, the two remained together for more than two decades, ending only at the hands of an assassin.

One note about the image used above. It never happened. Lincoln was 6’4″ in height, so the 5’2″ Mary refused to have any photographs taken with her towering husband. Despite many photographs of Lincoln and Mary independently, none appear to exist with the two of them together. She wouldn’t even consent to a photo similar to the image above where he is sitting and she is standing. There are many etchings and paintings done after the fact, but no actual photographs. And then there is this:

AL and MTL

This photograph purporting to show them together is not what it seems. It is actually a cropped closeup of two separate photos, one of him and one of her, that have been cut out, partially reversed, retouched, and rephotographed together along with a photo of the White House. Think of it as the 19th century version of Photoshop. art11026.14576.widea.0Abraham and Mary Todd Lincoln

So happy anniversary to Abraham and Mary Todd Lincoln. May your memories live on forever.

Interested in Abraham Lincoln? Then check out the Lincoln Group of the DC.

David J. Kent is a science traveler. He is also the author of Lincoln: The Man Who Saved America, now available. His previous books include Tesla: The Wizard of Electricity and Edison: The Inventor of the Modern World (both Fall River Press). He has also written two e-books: Nikola Tesla: Renewable Energy Ahead of Its Time and Abraham Lincoln and Nikola Tesla: Connected by Fate.

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Happy Anniversary – Abraham Lincoln and Mary Todd Lincoln

Abraham LincolnHappy Anniversary! On this date, November 4, 1842, Abraham Lincoln married Mary Todd. They would remain married for more than 22 years until that fateful day our 16th President was assassinated in Ford’s Theater, his wife at his side. They had four sons, only one of whom, Robert, lived to adulthood.

From the beginning they were an odd pair. At 6’4″ in height and only about 180 pounds he was the spindle to her 5’2″ short – and in her post-childbirth years tending to plumpness – presence. He grew up poor while she grew up in wealthy elite family. And where he was self-educated “by littles,” she was well-schooled and could converse on many interesting topics in either English or French. Her family was against her marrying someone of a lower social caste, and encouraged her to give in to another suitor of the time – Stephen A. Douglas (who was closer to her in both height and education).

Abraham and Mary Todd Lincoln

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mary Todd and Abraham had a marriage that everyone else seemed to always have an opinion on, and mostly not a positive one. But they remained together through the tragedies of two sons dying young, a long period of non-political life in Springfield, and then a war that pitted brother against brother. In a bit of supreme irony Abraham’s life was snatched away just as the war was ending and the two were planning for both his second term and their post-presidency life back in Illinois.

On this 170th anniversary of their marriage let us remember how they stood together through the good times and the bad. While others may find many faults with their relationship, it seemed to work for them. And that is all that matters.

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